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Self Care

Puzzle Pieces

February 4, 2019 by Oregon YouthLine

Our own YouthLine volunteer talks grief as a suicide loss survivor. 

If our lives are like puzzles that we’re constantly putting together and rearranging, grief means losing pieces to the puzzle. The first, biggest, and most obvious piece that’s lost is your loved one’s piece. As you move through your grief, you realize that they weren’t the only piece of the puzzle that’s been changed.  

When you lose such a big part of your puzzle, it’s hard for the whole picture to seem real. It’s impossible to look at your puzzle the same way you once did. How could you? There’s a giant hole where your loved one was. And in the case of a tragic loss, it’s like they took their piece from your puzzle violently. There’s pieces that get pushed out of position, others might get knocked off onto the floor, pieces connected to your loved one might get torn or be ripped away from your life too. The point is, it’s hardly ever just the one piece that’s lost.

My loved one was Madison. Madison passed from suicide at the age of 20, about a month before his 21st birthday. He was, and is, the biggest piece I’ve ever lost in life. Madison took with his piece the piece of my puzzle that was my self-image. Through high school I relied on Madison to help push me from passion to passion, from interest to interest. If Madison liked a thing, I too, liked that thing. In many ways, Madison was an older sibling to me. In other ways, he was more than that. Madison showed me ways that puzzles could look like and before long, I was trying to emulate him.

After he died, puzzles made even less sense. Madison and I had essentially started filling out our individual puzzles together. He was my absolute best friend. I could see a place for a piece that he may have missed and vice versa. The construction of each other’s puzzles was so intertwined it could be hard to tell the difference between ours at times. After his death, I think I tried to continue finishing parts of his puzzle as I was trying to finish my own.

I didn’t even want to look at my own puzzle. I figured, it didn’t matter what my puzzle is going to look like, there is a giant hole in the middle of it and no one will ever want to look at it, or fill in its pieces with me. I didn’t know where to start with putting the pieces back together. Madison’s piece took with it pieces I needed to function.The section of my puzzle that looked like sleep, that looked like feeding myself, that looked like socializing all were missing pieces. It seemed insurmountable to fill the hole that Madison left in my life. I thought I could never get to the place I was before his death.

Sometimes laying back down pieces that were already there, that already fit can be one of the hardest things to do for yourself. A sleep schedule and regular eating were both pieces that flew off the table alongside Madison. I had bouts of insomnia growing up and this piercing loss ensured that I would not be going to sleep before the sun came up for months at a time.

I couldn’t cook without reopening the still healing wound. I now laugh at the time I set off the smoke alarm because a pepperoni slid off a pizza in the oven and caught fire, but at the time that moment triggered so much shame and guilt as I remembered how Madison and I cooked nearly every time we were together. “Madison would have never let this happen!” I screamed, with tears streaming from my eyes, to my parents as they tried to figure out what the big issue was. At times, it was just as hard get something as easy as Taco Bell, again just a reminder of the late nights after concerts with Madison. As a result, the grief made it extremely difficult to get food into my system, even more so than the general lack of appetite I was experiencing.

It has taken multiple years to get to a place where I felt that the grief wasn’t impeding on my life anymore. I owe a large part of my healing process to Youthline and what it has done for me. Youthline gave me a place to educate myself and connect myself more to what Madison struggled with. It gave me a place where I could use my grief for good and process the grief through the work. It gave me people full of love, a community of people wanting to help others like Madison. It gave me the tools to know what to do if another friend finds themselves in the same place Madison was.  Of course therapy, hard emotional work on my own brain, a whole lot of patience from family and friends, a bunch of sad poetry, and some drifting with subsequent self-discovery helped get me here, but Youthline was truly the best thing to have happened to me when I needed it, even if I wasn’t the one calling.

Dealing with the grief is also like putting together a puzzle, when you can’t find the right pieces to fit, sometimes it’s best to step away and just look at it for what it is. It sometimes takes bringing in people to look at your puzzle for you to shed some light on what holes need patching, holes you may have missed. Sometimes you try and make some pieces fit for a while and sometimes you try something completely new. I think that the most important thing to do with grief is allow yourself to experience all these changes as you grieve, again like puzzles it’s often a confusing and frustrating experience.

In a way, I was right. I would never get to the place I was before his death. And now, I don’t think that’s what I would have wanted. In the years after Madison died, I put pieces back together. A lot of pieces were put back without me consciously doing so, a lot of pieces were makeshift fixes that now don’t make as much sense, and a lot of pieces are now so important that they define what makes my puzzle my own. In the end, my puzzle looks nothing like it did when Madison was around. But now, I look at my puzzle and see so much beauty in the parts of my puzzle, missing pieces and all.

Filed Under: Grief, Relationships, Self Care, Suicide, Support

Let’s Talk: Special Edition YouthLine Shirt

December 19, 2018 by Oregon YouthLine

“You know what blows my mind? That YouthLine is manned by teens. That literally makes me feel overwhelmed with pride for those folks. Such strength and kindness!” says Jeffrey Immer, a Creative Director & Brand Strategist.

The YouthLine is ever-growing. In 2018 alone, YouthLine has connected to 13,000 youth who have reached out for support while in crisis, over 26,000 youth in classroom and community settings, and has grown from just 9 youth volunteers to over 85. With this wave of YouthLine’s impact across the state of Oregon, the face of the organization continues to evolve as well. We connected with two local Portland designers, Steven Sczepanik and Jeffrey Immer, to start a project that spoke to YouthLine’s mission to listen and support. Thus, a new shirt design was born. 

Both Steven and Jeffrey noted that they have experienced their own mental health challenges over their lifetimes. “Throughout my life, I have dealt with different levels of depression and/or isolation. I believe that every individual, at some point in their life, confronts mental health struggles. We’re humans, it’s hard to avoid. We should all feel supported, especially our youth,” said Steven. This lived experience, a desire to help others, and and an understanding of the important work YouthLine does prompted a quick and easy “yes” to this project.

The YouthLine Team spoke to the designers to get some insight on the inspiration for the new design. Steven said, “We wanted to champion the quote ‘Let’s Talk’ and its powerful message. We were so inspired by the passion and dedication that YouthLine volunteers have for the work they do.” Jeffrey spoke to the theme and design portion that accompanies the message. “We had an idea to do something that felt 90’s and kind of wild. My main consideration was to make something that looked cool that youth would want to wear.” 

What they have created has the potential to make an impactful reach to our youths. An engaging and creative design can be the key to start important conversations around mental health and wellness. The focus on this message is an invitation to start talking about YouthLine; with staff, volunteers, and community members as walking ambassadors for the mission and vision of YouthLine.

Not only will the new shirts be fun and engaging, but we aim to make a difference in the process. We want to spread the message of YouthLine beyond the organization. Every person that wears the shirt provides a message of hope and a safe space for others to talk about their struggles, as well as a place to reach out for support. Additionally, for every shirt that is sold, the money will be given back to YouthLine to expand their services. 

Jeff spoke to the inspiration he felt about youth volunteers providing support to their peers via text, chat, phone, and email, “I think it shows the possibility of strength and courage. Not that we always have to be strong or courageous, but knowing that there is a fellow teen on the line willing to talk it out would make me feel like I can access the same well of strength that the volunteer is pulling from—that we’re in this together. It’s really powerful.”

We echo that notion. Each youth volunteer and staff make a huge impact in the lives of teens each day. We are so thankful to Steven and Jeffrey for using their skills and talents to aid in spreading the message of hope to others, and we are thrilled for the release of the special edition Youthline shirts. Simply and beautifully stated by Steven, “We should all feel supported and heard, especially our youth. I don’t think a t-shirt is going to save the day by any means, but it can at least open a dialogue about mental health struggles.”

 

Order yours today! Show your support with a Special Edition YouthLine shirt! Shipping discount provided for purchase of a Special Edition YouthLine shirt. Sizes available: XS, S, M, L, XL, 2XL . Use the coupon code SHIP-$5 to receive discounted shipping on this item. https://oregonyouthline.org/materials/apparel/special-edition-youthline-shirt/

About the Designers

Jeffrey Immer lives in Portland, OR. Currently, he is working with Fort Wick on online magazine work and for Tillamook helping them with a big 2019 rebrand. Jeff loves working on projects that the public gets to see and enjoy.

https://www.instagram.com/biklops/

Steven Sczepanik lives in Portland, OR. He has been in the design industry for 10+ years and more recently has been working alongside brilliant creatives at an agency called Instrument, a digital brand and experience company. As much as Steven loves to design in the digital space, he’s always thrilled to be given the opportunity to let loose and have fun with illustration work.

https://www.instagram.com/theatre.of.the.absurd/

About the YouthLine

The Oregon YouthLine is a peer-to-peer youth crisis and support service. YouthLine operates a helpline that provides crisis support and referrals via phone, text, chat, and email. The helpline is answered by youth daily from 4pm-10pm and by adults at all other times.YouthLine also operates a peer-supported outreach program to de-stigmatize mental health challenges, increase awareness for mental health and wellness, and encourage youth to reach out for help.

Filed Under: Fun ideas, Home News, Self Care, Social Opportunities Tagged With: letstalk, limitededition, oregonyouthline, swag

YouthLine Speaks: College Ahead!

September 27, 2018 by Oregon YouthLine

Our own YouthLine volunteer speaks out about the difficult transition into the unknown of college life. 

Sometimes I feel like moving through life’s transitions is like swinging across monkey bars.

I am suspended between what I know and what I don’t know, between safety and chance, between something that has expired and something that is full of possibility.  How can I learn to hold both at once? How can I learn to move on, and be open to new experiences, while also holding my past, and everything that has brought me to this point?

My mind takes me to this metaphor when I am in states of flux. When I am floating in the middle of my past and future. When what feels like a huge change is about to occur and I am in anticipation.

I have felt ready for college for a long time… [Read more…] about YouthLine Speaks: College Ahead!

Filed Under: Education Opportunities, Feel Good Message of the Day, Self Care, Social Opportunities, Stress Tagged With: #college, #Ending Suicide Project #Youthline #Volunteering, #transition, #youthline

School Based Health Centers – Where do you go during the summer?

June 4, 2013 by Kovi Altamirano

School Based Health Centers (SBHC) are an easy and affordable way for middle and high schoolers in Portland to be able to see a doctor about both physical and mental health issues. They can help you with routine physical exams, sports injuries, prescriptions and even counseling. But what about when the summer comes and you’re out of school?

It turns out there will be one SBHC that stays open during the summer months. Parkrose High School’s SBHC will stay open from June 18 to August 16 and you can call them to make an appointment at 503-988-3392. It’s really scary not knowing where to go to get help for anything involving your health, physical or mental, so make sure you keep in mind that this is still available to you even when you aren’t in school. You can visit their website  for more information about how to get in touch with them, what they do, and directions to Parkrose High.

Filed Under: Self Care

Mindfulness As A Way To Manage Stress

October 30, 2012 by kaitlyn

Check out this article on how to use “Mindfulness” as a self-care strategy to cope with stress.

 

 

 

 

 

Photo Credit: http://www.theverve360.com/yoga/detox-for-the-mind/

Filed Under: Education Opportunities, Feel Good Message of the Day, Self Care

Depressed and anxious after losing father

August 8, 2012 by kaitlyn

Dear Hope,

Thank you so much for reaching out to the YouthLine! I am sorry to hear about the loss of your father. It sounds like he has been a very important person in your life and without him you are feeling overwhelmed and isolated with no one to truly understand how you are feeling. I imagine it is very frustrating for you to not have the support of your mom and other family members during this time. People usually react and cope with the death of a loved one in many different ways and it seems to me that your mom is probably dealing with the grief by holding it in and not talking about it. For some people, talking about it is just too painful but for others it can be very helpful. Maybe you could try having another conversation with your mom at a time when you both are not busy and are relatively calm where you could try explaining to her how it makes you feel when she turns you away and is insensitive about the grief you are experiencing over your dad’s death.  It sounds to me like it is important for you to have someone you can talk to especially since you are now starting to have panic attacks when you become too upset with nowhere to turn.  Have you considered maybe talking to someone other than your mom about your dad’s death, such as a friend, a trusted adult, counselor, etc.?

If you feel as though there is no one you would be comfortable talking to, there are teens that volunteer and answer phone calls Monday-Friday from 2-7pm who will gladly offer a listening ear as well as any resources you may need (1-877-968-8491). You can also text teen2teen to 66746 if you do not want to talk on the phone.

From what you told me, it seems like when you start having a panic attack you feel so out of control and distraught that at one point cutting seemed to be the only option that would help relieve the emotional pain and anxiety. You mentioned that you are afraid you are going to take the cutting farther which leads me to believe that there is a part of you that does not want to make a decision in the heat of the moment that cannot be taken back, but there is also a part of you that maybe doesn’t know any other way to feel better. As someone who cares about your safety and well-being, I hope to be able to offer you encouragement and suggestions so that when you start to feel like cutting, you will have many more options you can turn to. If at all possible, I think it could be very helpful to see a doctor and tell him/her about the panic attacks you are experiencing because it is likely that you could get on medication to help relieve the anxiety you are experiencing and lessen the chance that you will turn to cutting. Also, is there anything that you enjoy doing such as reading, writing in a journal, drawing, painting, running, watching movies, listening to music, etc.? Maybe the next time you feel the urge to cut you could try one of these since they are a healthy way of coping and you don’t have to worry about harming yourself and doing something you might regret.

I wish you all the best and remember you can call 1-877-968-8491 anytime!

-YouthLine

Filed Under: Depression, Self Care, Self Harm

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