Dear YouthLine,

so my boyfriend broke up with me and now he won’t even act like im even there. I want to date him again but i don’t know how to some people tell me to give hint space then start talking to him but i don’t know what to do…

Dear Kaylee,

Hey, thanks so much for reaching out to the YouthLine! Break-ups can be really tough to go through and I imagine you are feeling pretty alone and confused right now since the break-up was not mutual and you still want to date him. At the YouthLine we like to emphasize honest and open communication. Is your ex aware that you would like to get back together and does he feel the same way? I would encourage you, if possible, to have a conversation with him to find out whether or not you two are on the same page and if there is a possibility of getting back together. By letting him know where you stand and finding out where he stands, you can have a solid answer and depending on how he feels, be able to either get back together or  start working through the break-up and moving on. I know it may seem a little scary to approach it so head-on, but it will save a lot of confusion and mixed feelings in the long run. Instead of having to make guesses about how your ex is feeling and whether there is a chance of getting back together, you will just know. If that is something you don’t feel comfortable with, that’s totally fine, it is only a suggestion.

The relationship aside, your health and well-being are very important and should come as a first priority. It is important that you are getting plenty of sleep and eating and exercising regularly. I imagine that this break-up has your emotions flying all over the place and probably has you feeling confused, sad, hurt, angry, and determined to get your ex back. All of those feelings are completely normal and understandable. I encourage you to talk to any close friends or family members about it because talking about the break-up and the way you are feeling can really help.

Feel free to give us a call at the YouthLine if you would like to talk more. Our number is 1-877-968-8491. You can also text teen2teen to 66746. Teens are here to answer calls and text messages Monday through Friday from 4-9pm. We hope to hear from you. Best of luck in your situation!

Sincerely,

YouthLine

Dear YouthLine,

How do I get over my ex boyfriend when I go to a really small school with about 20 of us in our grade and I see him face to face every other day? When I fist started going to this school I didn’t know anyone. The first people I started talking to were my ex boyfriend and his friends. It is a specialized trade school and I’m the only female. All the guys stick together and I was always out by myself being all girly. I have spent the past 7 months with my ex and his friends. So I don’t know anyone else at this school. I don’t know how I’m going to handle the next couple of months untill summer. But luckily I go to another school too. So I ONLY have to see him everyother day and next year I won’t be going to this school. But I still just don’t know how to get over him if I have to be in such a close  area with him and I feel like I miss him but I know I wasn’t happy being with him. I think I only feel like I miss him because I’m alone at this school now..

-Emily

Dear Emily,

I am glad that you reached out to the YouthLine! It sounds like you are going through a really tough time right now and on top of that are feeling pretty isolated at school. Breaking ties with someone is hard enough as it is, but I imagine it is even more difficult when you are forced to see that person on a regular basis. Unfortunately, there is no clear cut answer on what you should do in order to make this situation easier. Is remaining friends with your ex-boyfriend 1) possible at this point in time and 2) something you are interested in? If so, I would suggest having an honest and open conversation with your ex so that you both can discuss your feelings and establish where you stand, whether a friendship is something you are both interested in, and if so, what that friendship would look like. If remaining friends is possible, it could potentially help the awkwardness of the situation, but that would probably not be the case unless you are both completely over one another and are content with being friends. I am going to assume from your e-mail that since you and your boyfriend broke up, you are no longer hanging out with his group of friends? If remaining friends with your ex and his friends is not an option that you are comfortable with, I would encourage you to consider getting to know some of the other students from the school and trying to make some new friends, especially since you will be there for another few months. In time, this should bring some clarity to whether you truly do miss your ex or if you only feel like you miss him because you are alone at the school with no friends to talk to and spend time with.

In the meantime, remember that your health and well-being are most important and should be a number 1 priority. Going through a break up can be draining and is emotionally very difficult. It can be tough balancing relationships, family and school and somehow managing to stay sane! Be sure to eat regularly, get some form of regular physical activity, and get plenty of sleep.

If you would like to talk on the phone with another teen who can relate and understand the struggles you are going through, please give the YouthLine a call at 1-877-968-8491. The line is open 24/7, but teens are available to answer calls Monday-Friday from 4-9pm. We also have a brand new texting service. If you want to text with a teen, text the words teen2teen to 66746. Best of luck with your situation and in finishing school these next couple months!

Hope to hear from you soon,

-YouthLine

Dear YouthLine,

I’ve been with this guy for almost 1 year and 8 months and he said the only reason we broke up is because of stress. He’s lied to me before, and cheated on me, and broke up with me, this is the second time. I don’t know that to do!

-Mariah

Dear Mariah,

Thank you for contacting the YouthLine. It sounds like you are going through a really tough time right now and I would imagine your emotions are all over the place. I am sorry to hear that you are having difficulty with your ex. This guy has been in your life for quite some time which I’m sure makes the separation even more difficult and confusing. Other than what you shared, I don’t know much about your situation and I cannot advise you on what you should do and cannot offer a clear-cut answer. What I can do is offer you support and encouragement in the hopes that it helps you make a confident decision that is right for you at this time, and most importantly, one that you can be happy with. Your health and happiness is most important and should be top priority!

At the YouthLine, we emphasize honesty and communication. In your question you mentioned that this is the second time your boyfriend has broken up for you for no apparent reason at all, and in addition to that, has broken your trust. Your boyfriend aside, I would encourage you to be a little selfish by putting your own needs first for now and really reflecting on this relationship. You could think about the following questions: Is this relationship equally balanced and healthy? Am I treated with honesty and respect? Does this person bring primarily happiness to my life or mostly stress? How do my friends and family feel about the relationship? Is this someone I want to let back into my life? Where do I see this relationship going?

At the YouthLine, we also strongly recommend setting healthy boundaries. If you are ever being treated with disrespect and unfairly and feel that you do not deserve that, that is absolutely okay and there is nothing wrong with feeling that way. You decide who comes into your life and who stays there. You also decide what standards you want to set for the different relationships in your life, whether it is a relationship with a family member, friend, co-worker, boyfriend, etc.

This must be a very emotionally difficult time for you, so please put your health and well-being first and be sure to always take care of yourself. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to give the YouthLine a call! Teens that will listen and not judge are available to answer calls Monday-Friday from 4-9pm. You can also visit our website at www.oregonyouthline.org and chat with a teen through instant messaging.
Best of Luck,

-YouthLine

Dear YouthLine,

First off I will say that i was in a very unhealthy on and off 3 1/2 year relationship with a guy who repeatedly cheated on me.  During one of our break ups, I met a guy.  He is three years younger than me and that posed a problem for me at first.  After getting over the age difference I ended up breaking up with my 3 1/2 year boyfriend for this guy.  We didn’t date right away but got to know each other more and grew to really like each other.  I was his first serious girlfriend.  We dated for over 2 years and then he decided he wanted a break to date other people but told me he thought we would date again in the future.  We stopped talking but out of no where he contacted me and told me he didn’t have anything with any other girls.  Then as things were getting so good I thought maybe we were going to date, I found out he just started dating another girl.  And then I found out that he was dating her when he kissed me.  Since we live in a small town the girl he started dating found out and broke up with him.  He was so angry with me and ended up saying he never wants to talk to me or see me again.  A day later he apologized and said he still wants to be friends.  But when he talked to me it was as if he wanted to be more than friends.  We both knew dating at the moment was out of the question but we said we would take it day by day and hope everything works itself out.  He texted me every day for almost two weeks acting as if he still wanted to be with me.  Out of no where he stopped texting me so i texted him and he has been being short with me.  I know what I have with him is not something that I am willing to just give up on.  I want to fight for what we have but I don’t know if that will ever make him realize that he can’t take me for granted anymore.  He said himself he knows I would do anything for him and I’ll always be here for him.  So part of me thinks if I some how make him think he really lost me that he will finally realize just what we have.  But I also don’t want him to think I’m giving up on us. Because that’s not my intentions at all.  I just don’t know what the right thing to do is anymore.  Please help!

-Jaime

Dear Jaime,

Thank you so much for writing to us.  Your situation sounds like a very difficult and also fairly common one. At Youthline, we try to emphasize honesty and communication. We think that it leads to better understanding of each other, and fewer secrets in relationships, romantic or otherwise. We don’t know everything about your situation or the young man that you wrote about, but we think that it’s probably best to be truthful with him, and tell him what you want! Playing “hard to get”, beating around the bush or not talking about what you want upfront can really confuse people about your intentions. It sounds like both of you are doing that, on some level, so maybe now it’s time to come clean. If you have an honest conversation with him about what both of you want, in the end you will have more honesty in whatever relationship ensues, and better communication between you.

Good luck!

-YouthLine