Read Your Answer Here…..

We are here and ready to answer your questions! Please fill out and send the form located on our Ask A Question page. It gets emailed directly to our Youth staff who will then publish an answer here. It’s totally anonymous, so you can ask us anything.

Most Recent Questions Answered:

I don’t want to live with my dad but don’t know how to tell him

Dear YouthLine,

My adopted sister just found out that she is a month and a half along..And now I feel like im gonna be the one kid that gets ignored once the baby comes..There are 4 kids that live in my house, I’m the youngest and I live with my dad..My parents are split up and I wanna live with my mom when the baby comes cause I don’t want to be the one that gets ignored and forgotten and to have a screaming baby keeping me up when I have school trying to get good grades so I can go to college…But I don’t know how to tell my dad cause I’m afraid of what he will say….

-Anonymous

 

Dear Anonymous,

Hey! Thank you for reaching out to the YouthLine.  It’s totally understandable that you wouldn’t be thrilled about having a baby in the house with school and everything else going on in your life. If you think that moving in with your mom would be the best thing for you then I think you should definitely try talking to your dad about it. It sounds like you’re concerned about what your dad will think, but if you tell him why it will be best for you I think he’ll understand. Most parents have their son or daughter’s best interest in mind and want them to succeed and be happy. It sounds like it’s already hard on you living in a house with four other kids, so maybe you would be happier living with your mom all together. Maybe you could work something out with both of your parents where you lived with your mom on school day but with your dad on the weekends?

I hope everything works out for you! If you would like to talk more about this situation and maybe even role play with a teen how you could have this conversation, please to call our phone line. It is available 24/7, but teens are here to talk to you Monday-Friday from 4-9pm. The number is 1-877-968-8491. You can also text teen2teen to 66746 those same days and hours. If both of those don’t sound like good options, feel free to e-mail us again or instant message by cliking on the “Chat Now” on the website www.oregonyouthline.org

Best of luck,

-YouthLine

Filed under: Read Your Answers,Relationships — kaitlyn

Stress At Home

Dear Christina,
I’m sorry to hear about your stepdad’s chronic disease. It sounds like you really have a lot of things going on in your life, and you need to find a way to cope with your stress. Babysitting sounds like it is taking up a lot of your personal time. Would it be possible to try and finish some of the summer homework you have when you are with your little sister? I know it must have been really hard for you to see your parents break down the other night, especially your stepdad. It sounds like you feel really guilty about taunting him and may regret doing that. Would you like to try talking to your parents again? It sounds like you are really worried about what your mom said about wanting to kill herself if your stepdad died. I think that if you have the doubt in your mind that she meant it, you should really talk to her about it and ask her if she was serious about it. I also think it would be beneficial for you to find a good time to talk to them when they aren’t tired, like maybe during the weekend, and apologize for making your parents so upset, but also explain to them the stress that you are feeling. Your parents may not realize that you are also being affected by the things going on in your family life. You could even make a list of the things you want to talk to them about, and explain to them how you feel, and then hopefully you and your parents could talk about it and work out a way for you to have some time for yourself. I think this would be a really good thing for you and may relieve some of your stress. Consider talking to your parents again sometime that works well for all of you, and feel free to email us back or call the Youthline at 1-877-968-8491. I’m glad that you reached out to us, and I hope you are able to work something out with your parents.

-YouthLine

Filed under: Read Your Answers,Stress — kaitlyn

How do I quit using drugs and drinking?

Dear YouthLine,

My name is Samantha. I started drinking, smoking, snorting and sexual activities at a very young age… (12) I need help quitting.

 

Dear Samantha,

Thanks so much for reaching out to the YouthLine! It is very brave and mature of you to acknowledge that you have been struggling with drugs, alcohol, and sexual relationships and that you are in need of some help in order to stop. Since you started struggling with those things at the age of 12, I imagine that you have had to deal with some really tough emotional things in your life starting at a young age. It can be really hard to go through difficult times alone and it sounds as though you have had a very hard time finding healthy ways to cope. If you haven’t already, I encourage you to talk to a friend, family member, counselor, or anyone that you trust about these things that you are struggling with so that you can receive some direct support from someone who truly cares about your well-being. With the right support and resources, it will be much easier to overcome any hard obstacles in your life and find much healthier ways to cope that you can feel good about.

If you feel comfortable texting or calling the YouthLine, it would be much easier to provide you with helpful resources such as treatment options because we would be able to gather some more information about your situation and what kind of resources would be most beneficial for you. You can talk to another teen by calling 1-877-968-8491 or by texting teen2teen to 66746. Teens are available to respond Monday-Friday from 4-9pm, but you can call the number 24/7 and someone will answer.

I wish you all the best!

-YouthLine

Filed under: Read Your Answers,Substance Abuse — kaitlyn

How do I get my boyfriend back?

Dear YouthLine,

so my boyfriend broke up with me and now he won’t even act like im even there. I want to date him again but i don’t know how to some people tell me to give hint space then start talking to him but i don’t know what to do…

 

Dear Kaylee,

Hey, thanks so much for reaching out to the YouthLine! Break-ups can be really tough to go through and I imagine you are feeling pretty alone and confused right now since the break-up was not mutual and you still want to date him. At the YouthLine we like to emphasize honest and open communication. Is your ex aware that you would like to get back together and does he feel the same way? I would encourage you, if possible, to have a conversation with him to find out whether or not you two are on the same page and if there is a possibility of getting back together. By letting him know where you stand and finding out where he stands, you can have a solid answer and depending on how he feels, be able to either get back together or  start working through the break-up and moving on. I know it may seem a little scary to approach it so head-on, but it will save a lot of confusion and mixed feelings in the long run. Instead of having to make guesses about how your ex is feeling and whether there is a chance of getting back together, you will just know. If that is something you don’t feel comfortable with, that’s totally fine, it is only a suggestion.

The relationship aside, your health and well-being are very important and should come as a first priority. It is important that you are getting plenty of sleep and eating and exercising regularly. I imagine that this break-up has your emotions flying all over the place and probably has you feeling confused, sad, hurt, angry, and determined to get your ex back. All of those feelings are completely normal and understandable. I encourage you to talk to any close friends or family members about it because talking about the break-up and the way you are feeling can really help.

Feel free to give us a call at the YouthLine if you would like to talk more. Our number is 1-877-968-8491. You can also text teen2teen to 66746. Teens are here to answer calls and text messages Monday through Friday from 4-9pm. We hope to hear from you. Best of luck in your situation!

Sincerely,

YouthLine

Filed under: Read Your Answers,Relationships — kaitlyn

Transgender Help

Dear YouthLine,

I’m looking for some help with some issues I have about my gender, but my parents cannot afford therapy sessions. I’ve been at least queer ever since I was about eight and it got to the point around when I was eleven to where I thought that I should have been a girl and that being a guy was not who I am. I started having dreams about being a girl and dressing as one. By the time I was like thirteen I really wanted to see what is was like dressing as a girl, but never got an opportunity since my mom’s clothes were really big on me so I gave up on that. It was pretty stressful with moving around from place to place and school to school since my dad is in the military and I was pretty alone and shy. I looked at girls almost longingly and really wanted to be one. Everything about my body feels wrong except my weight and my eyes, I hate body hair it’s repulsive, I hate how scraggily I look and my physique. I hate my private part more than anything, it’s revolting and I hate looking at it. I started taking less and less showers too because I hated looking at my body and I felt so repulsive. Eighth grade came around at a new school again in LA and I remember my friend saying that I would be a really good looking girl if I was born that way and I remember feeling so sad because I wanted to be beautiful and I wanted to be like any other girl in the world, but that I would never be able to. I kept it a secret from my parents until last year and they thought it was just a stage I was going through and they still do because I never bring it to their attention since they push it aside and refuse to help me. I really need advice from a specialist please help…

Anonymous

 

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you so much for reaching out to the YouthLine. It sounds like you are in a lot of pain, and the conflict between your body and your mind has you feeling really depressed and lost. To say that what you are dealing with is difficult would be a huge understatement. Right now it may seem impossible to look beyond today, but the fact that you reached out for help shows how strong you are, and we know that if you don’t give up on yourself, and your desire to feel like you belong in your skin, it will get better. Your body doesn’t fit with how you feel about yourself, but you are very aware of WHO you are. Your clarity, conviction and strength are such valuable tools for this road that you have ahead of you. Hold onto them, and use them to make your future what you want it to be.

We encourage you to use this same strength that led you to the YouthLine website, and take it one step further by reaching out to a local LGBTQ center in Olympia. Stonewall Youth is a wonderful program located in downtown Olympia. We feel that one of the most helpful things you can do right now is go somewhere you can surround yourself with people who can share in what you are dealing with. They offer FREE support groups, retreats, and even a Rock and Roll Camp! Their address is 203 4th Ave E # 516, Olympia, WA, and their intake phone number is 360-705-2738 (it says on their website that in order to take part in any of their services you have to go through a quick intake procedure).

As for the long term, it is very important that you find a way to get into some form of mental health counseling. You said in your email that your dad is active in the military, and though we would need more specifics to be sure, that probably makes you eligible for military provided health insurance (possibly TRICARE). It may not be easy, but it would definitely be worth asking your parents to see if you are covered by some form of affordable mental health services. Keep in mind that while you will need your parents’ permission to use their insurance, you are 16 and that means that you have the right to keep everything you talk to your counselor about confidential.  A couple of examples of mental health services in your area that you could bring to the conversation with your parents are:

Sea Mar CHC – Tumwater Behavioral Health Center

360-704-7590

-They offer mental health assessments and individual therapy. They accept private insurance AND out of pocket payment.

Thurston County Mental Health

360-867-2602

We imagine that the people at Stonewall can also be helpful with coming up with some creative ways to make services available to you.

We wish you the best of luck. Please keep our phone number (1-877-968-8491) and our texting number (text “teen2teen” to 66746) with you in case you ever need someone to talk to.

Best,

YouthLine

Filed under: Read Your Answers — Kovi Altamirano

How do I get over my boyfriend?

Dear YouthLine,

How do I get over my ex boyfriend when I go to a really small school with about 20 of us in our grade and I see him face to face every other day? When I fist started going to this school I didn’t know anyone. The first people I started talking to were my ex boyfriend and his friends. It is a specialized trade school and I’m the only female. All the guys stick together and I was always out by myself being all girly. I have spent the past 7 months with my ex and his friends. So I don’t know anyone else at this school. I don’t know how I’m going to handle the next couple of months untill summer. But luckily I go to another school too. So I ONLY have to see him everyother day and next year I won’t be going to this school. But I still just don’t know how to get over him if I have to be in such a close  area with him and I feel like I miss him but I know I wasn’t happy being with him. I think I only feel like I miss him because I’m alone at this school now..

-Emily

 

Dear Emily,

I am glad that you reached out to the YouthLine! It sounds like you are going through a really tough time right now and on top of that are feeling pretty isolated at school. Breaking ties with someone is hard enough as it is, but I imagine it is even more difficult when you are forced to see that person on a regular basis. Unfortunately, there is no clear cut answer on what you should do in order to make this situation easier. Is remaining friends with your ex-boyfriend 1) possible at this point in time and 2) something you are interested in? If so, I would suggest having an honest and open conversation with your ex so that you both can discuss your feelings and establish where you stand, whether a friendship is something you are both interested in, and if so, what that friendship would look like. If remaining friends is possible, it could potentially help the awkwardness of the situation, but that would probably not be the case unless you are both completely over one another and are content with being friends. I am going to assume from your e-mail that since you and your boyfriend broke up, you are no longer hanging out with his group of friends? If remaining friends with your ex and his friends is not an option that you are comfortable with, I would encourage you to consider getting to know some of the other students from the school and trying to make some new friends, especially since you will be there for another few months. In time, this should bring some clarity to whether you truly do miss your ex or if you only feel like you miss him because you are alone at the school with no friends to talk to and spend time with.

In the meantime, remember that your health and well-being are most important and should be a number 1 priority. Going through a break up can be draining and is emotionally very difficult. It can be tough balancing relationships, family and school and somehow managing to stay sane! Be sure to eat regularly, get some form of regular physical activity, and get plenty of sleep.

If you would like to talk on the phone with another teen who can relate and understand the struggles you are going through, please give the YouthLine a call at 1-877-968-8491. The line is open 24/7, but teens are available to answer calls Monday-Friday from 4-9pm. We also have a brand new texting service. If you want to text with a teen, text the words teen2teen to 66746. Best of luck with your situation and in finishing school these next couple months!

Hope to hear from you soon,

-YouthLine

Filed under: Read Your Answers,Relationships — kaitlyn

I was broken up with…now what?

Dear YouthLine,

I’ve been with this guy for almost 1 year and 8 months and he said the only reason we broke up is because of stress. He’s lied to me before, and cheated on me, and broke up with me, this is the second time. I don’t know that to do!

-Mariah

 

Dear Mariah,

Thank you for contacting the YouthLine. It sounds like you are going through a really tough time right now and I would imagine your emotions are all over the place. I am sorry to hear that you are having difficulty with your ex. This guy has been in your life for quite some time which I’m sure makes the separation even more difficult and confusing. Other than what you shared, I don’t know much about your situation and I cannot advise you on what you should do and cannot offer a clear-cut answer. What I can do is offer you support and encouragement in the hopes that it helps you make a confident decision that is right for you at this time, and most importantly, one that you can be happy with. Your health and happiness is most important and should be top priority!

At the YouthLine, we emphasize honesty and communication. In your question you mentioned that this is the second time your boyfriend has broken up for you for no apparent reason at all, and in addition to that, has broken your trust. Your boyfriend aside, I would encourage you to be a little selfish by putting your own needs first for now and really reflecting on this relationship. You could think about the following questions: Is this relationship equally balanced and healthy? Am I treated with honesty and respect? Does this person bring primarily happiness to my life or mostly stress? How do my friends and family feel about the relationship? Is this someone I want to let back into my life? Where do I see this relationship going?

At the YouthLine, we also strongly recommend setting healthy boundaries. If you are ever being treated with disrespect and unfairly and feel that you do not deserve that, that is absolutely okay and there is nothing wrong with feeling that way. You decide who comes into your life and who stays there. You also decide what standards you want to set for the different relationships in your life, whether it is a relationship with a family member, friend, co-worker, boyfriend, etc.

This must be a very emotionally difficult time for you, so please put your health and well-being first and be sure to always take care of yourself. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to give the YouthLine a call! Teens that will listen and not judge are available to answer calls Monday-Friday from 4-9pm. You can also visit our website at www.oregonyouthline.org and chat with a teen through instant messaging.
Best of Luck,

-YouthLine

Filed under: Read Your Answers,Relationships — kaitlyn

Ask a Question – Suicide

Dear YouthLine,

hi my name is kayla my friend showed me this site cause she waz worried bout me. she said if i emailed u guys u would be able 2 help. i have been mildly depressed since i was in the 5th grade lately it has gotten a lot worse cause of school i dont know what to do please help ive tried every thing  please help me i dont know what to do any more… ,-_-, please if ur still reading this please write me back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please…

 

Dear Kayla,

We are so glad you reached out to us and asked for help. It takes a lot of courage to stand up to your problems with depression. Depression is definitely a serious problem that you can’t solve alone, and it is great that you have a supportive friend that helped you contact us.

It’s especially hard to have depression worsened by school – you have to be there 5 days a week, so there is probably no good opportunity for an escape. Perhaps if there is a specific issue with school that is bothering you, you could try talking to a school counselor to find a solution.

As for non-school related depression, there are lots of things you can do. For one thing, if you need immediate support, you can call us at 1-877-968-8491. We can give you resources for counseling or other things in your area if you need that, or just give you someone to talk to. Our teen call workers are available 4-9 PM on weekdays, but we have other workers 24-7, so we’ll never miss a call from you.

If you aren’t comfortable talking on the phone, there are a few other things you can do when you feel depressed. If you find it hard to cope when you’re depressed, for example, you might want to read this article one of our volunteers wrote on coping strategies: http://oregonyouthline.org/829/coping-strategies/ It’s just some basic things, but even if you don’t like the suggestions, it’s a good way to start thinking about what would work for you personally. Basically, you can just do something that relaxes you and makes you feel happy. Whatever works for you and is healthy is good.

Most of all, just remember to take care of yourself mentally and emotionally – eat well, sleep well, give yourself breaks when you need them. And again, call us if you need someone to talk to.

-YouthLine

Filed under: Read Your Answers,Suicide — Kovi Altamirano

17 and Pregnant

Dear YouthLine,

Im 17 and pregnant and me and my boyfriend are living with my parents. Its so stressful with the drugs and constant threats of being kicked out because they dont approve of me being pregnant. what can i do to get me and my boyfriend out of here and where we can stay together? Thank you

-Amber

 

Dear Amber,

Thank you for contacting the YouthLine and reaching out to us for help! It takes a lot of courage to do that. It sounds like you are in a very stressful and overwhelming situation right now, so I think it is great that you are taking this step to make your situation better for both you and your baby. It sounds like you really care about the safety and well being of you, your baby and boyfriend. I don’t know much about your situation, so if you feel comfortable with it, I really encourage you to give the YouthLine a call at 1-877-968-8491. There are teens available to talk to you Monday through Friday from 4-9pm. By calling, it is much easier and convenient to offer you the best support and resources we possibly can.

In your question, you mentioned the stress you are experiencing due to the drugs. I am unsure of who is using the drugs, but it is of course not a healthy or safe environment for a developing baby to be around, but especially so if you are using the drugs. Now that you are pregnant, you are forced to think about not only what is best for yourself, but your baby as well. It sounds like you are doing just that by looking into a different living situation. I understand that you live in Vancouver, Washington. I highly suggest that you check out Janus Youth Programs. This organization offers resources and housing throughout Oregon and Washington. This may or may not be the best option for you, but regardless I think that they could really offer you some help and point you in the direction you are needing to go. The information to contact them is below. You can also visit their website to learn more about the work they do and how they can best help you. Also, if you are not already seeing a primary care physician, I strongly encourage you to see a doctor or to visit Planned Parenthood so that you can receive prenatal resources and care.

http://www.janusyouth.org/home.php

Southwest Washington Area

Oak Bridge 24-Hour Youth and
Family Help Line

888.979.4357

For immediate shelter and crisis intervention for youth who have run away from
home in Washington

Yellow Brick Road Washington

360.213.5947

For street outreach services and
information on emergency shelter for youth in Southwest Washington

 

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-center/centerDetails.asp?f=2455&a=0&v=details#

888.875.7820

 

I hope that this is helpful! I wish you all the best
Amber, and like I said, you can call the YouthLine any time at 1-877-968-8491

-YouthLine

Filed under: Pregnancy,Read Your Answers — kaitlyn

I’m worried I will start self harming

Dear YouthLine,

How do I tell my parents I’m worried I will start self harming again?

-Abby

 

Dear Abby,

Thank you for reaching out to the YouthLine! If you ever need to talk, you can give the YouthLine a call and talk to another teenager. There are teenagers available to talk Monday through Friday from 4-9pm. It is much easier to offer you support and resources over the phone. You can also chat with a teenager through instant messaging by going to our website at www.oregonyouthline.org.

From the way you worded your question, it sounds like you have had a history with self harming. It also sounds as though your parents are aware of this. Since I can’t ask you these things, and for the sake of answering your question, I am going to assume that this is the case. The fact that you used to self harm and have gone through a period of time where you stopped, takes so much strength and you should be very proud of yourself for that. Unlike what many people think, people who self harm are not trying to kill themselves, but rather are just looking for a way to cope and don’t know of any other healthy ways. If you were to ever contact the YouthLine again, I would be interested to know if you have any other coping skills that you use instead of self harming? Exercising, listening to music, drawing, taking a bath, etc. I would also be interested in asking you if there is something going on in your life right now that is causing you stress and making you feel like you are going to start self harming again. If there is, I really encourage you to talk to someone about it….whether it be a friend, counselor, or of course the YouthLine if you feel comfortable calling. Sometimes just having another person listen to what is going on in your life can be very helpful and make you feel much better.

When you talk to your parents, I would just encourage you to be very open and remember that honesty really is the best policy. I imagine that your parents will really appreciate your coming to them and that they will see the strength in it. It can be very hard to approach someone, especially parents, about such a sensitive topic. If you feel most comfortable talking to both of your parents at the same time, I would suggest that you let your parents know that you are needing to talk to them about something and figure out a day and a time that works for everyone so that your parents can give you their full attention and there will be no distractions. When talking to your parents, instead of just telling them flat out that you are wanting to self harm again, I would recommend that you let your parents know what’s going on in your life and what is stressing you out or making you sad and upset. My guess is that your parents love and care about you very, very much! By really talking to them and letting them in, they will have a much easier time trying to understand and offer you the help and support that you deserve and need right now.

Thank you again, Abby for contacting the YouthLine. Like I said, you can give us a call any day, any time. Our number is 1-877-968-8491.

-YouthLine

Filed under: Read Your Answers,Self Harm — kaitlyn
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