We are here and ready to answer your questions! Please fill out and send the form located on our Ask A Question page. It gets emailed directly to our Youth staff who will then publish an answer here. It’s totally anonymous, so you can ask us anything.
February 15, 2012
Dear YouthLine,
hi my name is kayla my friend showed me this site cause she waz worried bout me. she said if i emailed u guys u would be able 2 help. i have been mildly depressed since i was in the 5th grade lately it has gotten a lot worse cause of school i dont know what to do please help ive tried every thing please help me i dont know what to do any more… ,-_-, please if ur still reading this please write me back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please…
Dear Kayla,
We are so glad you reached out to us and asked for help. It takes a lot of courage to stand up to your problems with depression. Depression is definitely a serious problem that you can’t solve alone, and it is great that you have a supportive friend that helped you contact us.
It’s especially hard to have depression worsened by school – you have to be there 5 days a week, so there is probably no good opportunity for an escape. Perhaps if there is a specific issue with school that is bothering you, you could try talking to a school counselor to find a solution.
As for non-school related depression, there are lots of things you can do. For one thing, if you need immediate support, you can call us at 1-877-968-8491. We can give you resources for counseling or other things in your area if you need that, or just give you someone to talk to. Our teen call workers are available 4-9 PM on weekdays, but we have other workers 24-7, so we’ll never miss a call from you.
If you aren’t comfortable talking on the phone, there are a few other things you can do when you feel depressed. If you find it hard to cope when you’re depressed, for example, you might want to read this article one of our volunteers wrote on coping strategies: http://oregonyouthline.org/829/coping-strategies/ It’s just some basic things, but even if you don’t like the suggestions, it’s a good way to start thinking about what would work for you personally. Basically, you can just do something that relaxes you and makes you feel happy. Whatever works for you and is healthy is good.
Most of all, just remember to take care of yourself mentally and emotionally – eat well, sleep well, give yourself breaks when you need them. And again, call us if you need someone to talk to.
-YouthLine
January 18, 2012
Dear YouthLine,
Im 17 and pregnant and me and my boyfriend are living with my parents. Its so stressful with the drugs and constant threats of being kicked out because they dont approve of me being pregnant. what can i do to get me and my boyfriend out of here and where we can stay together? Thank you
-Amber
Dear Amber,
Thank you for contacting the YouthLine and reaching out to us for help! It takes a lot of courage to do that. It sounds like you are in a very stressful and overwhelming situation right now, so I think it is great that you are taking this step to make your situation better for both you and your baby. It sounds like you really care about the safety and well being of you, your baby and boyfriend. I don’t know much about your situation, so if you feel comfortable with it, I really encourage you to give the YouthLine a call at 1-877-968-8491. There are teens available to talk to you Monday through Friday from 4-9pm. By calling, it is much easier and convenient to offer you the best support and resources we possibly can.
In your question, you mentioned the stress you are experiencing due to the drugs. I am unsure of who is using the drugs, but it is of course not a healthy or safe environment for a developing baby to be around, but especially so if you are using the drugs. Now that you are pregnant, you are forced to think about not only what is best for yourself, but your baby as well. It sounds like you are doing just that by looking into a different living situation. I understand that you live in Vancouver, Washington. I highly suggest that you check out Janus Youth Programs. This organization offers resources and housing throughout Oregon and Washington. This may or may not be the best option for you, but regardless I think that they could really offer you some help and point you in the direction you are needing to go. The information to contact them is below. You can also visit their website to learn more about the work they do and how they can best help you. Also, if you are not already seeing a primary care physician, I strongly encourage you to see a doctor or to visit Planned Parenthood so that you can receive prenatal resources and care.
http://www.janusyouth.org/home.php
Southwest Washington Area
Oak Bridge 24-Hour Youth and
Family Help Line
888.979.4357
For immediate shelter and crisis intervention for youth who have run away from
home in Washington
360.213.5947
For street outreach services and
information on emergency shelter for youth in Southwest Washington
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-center/centerDetails.asp?f=2455&a=0&v=details#
888.875.7820
I hope that this is helpful! I wish you all the best
Amber, and like I said, you can call the YouthLine any time at 1-877-968-8491
-YouthLine
Dear YouthLine,
How do I tell my parents I’m worried I will start self harming again?
-Abby
Dear Abby,
Thank you for reaching out to the YouthLine! If you ever need to talk, you can give the YouthLine a call and talk to another teenager. There are teenagers available to talk Monday through Friday from 4-9pm. It is much easier to offer you support and resources over the phone. You can also chat with a teenager through instant messaging by going to our website at www.oregonyouthline.org.
From the way you worded your question, it sounds like you have had a history with self harming. It also sounds as though your parents are aware of this. Since I can’t ask you these things, and for the sake of answering your question, I am going to assume that this is the case. The fact that you used to self harm and have gone through a period of time where you stopped, takes so much strength and you should be very proud of yourself for that. Unlike what many people think, people who self harm are not trying to kill themselves, but rather are just looking for a way to cope and don’t know of any other healthy ways. If you were to ever contact the YouthLine again, I would be interested to know if you have any other coping skills that you use instead of self harming? Exercising, listening to music, drawing, taking a bath, etc. I would also be interested in asking you if there is something going on in your life right now that is causing you stress and making you feel like you are going to start self harming again. If there is, I really encourage you to talk to someone about it….whether it be a friend, counselor, or of course the YouthLine if you feel comfortable calling. Sometimes just having another person listen to what is going on in your life can be very helpful and make you feel much better.
When you talk to your parents, I would just encourage you to be very open and remember that honesty really is the best policy. I imagine that your parents will really appreciate your coming to them and that they will see the strength in it. It can be very hard to approach someone, especially parents, about such a sensitive topic. If you feel most comfortable talking to both of your parents at the same time, I would suggest that you let your parents know that you are needing to talk to them about something and figure out a day and a time that works for everyone so that your parents can give you their full attention and there will be no distractions. When talking to your parents, instead of just telling them flat out that you are wanting to self harm again, I would recommend that you let your parents know what’s going on in your life and what is stressing you out or making you sad and upset. My guess is that your parents love and care about you very, very much! By really talking to them and letting them in, they will have a much easier time trying to understand and offer you the help and support that you deserve and need right now.
Thank you again, Abby for contacting the YouthLine. Like I said, you can give us a call any day, any time. Our number is 1-877-968-8491.
-YouthLine
December 13, 2011
Dear YouthLine,
First off I will say that i was in a very unhealthy on and off 3 1/2 year relationship with a guy who repeatedly cheated on me. During one of our break ups, I met a guy. He is three years younger than me and that posed a problem for me at first. After getting over the age difference I ended up breaking up with my 3 1/2 year boyfriend for this guy. We didn’t date right away but got to know each other more and grew to really like each other. I was his first serious girlfriend. We dated for over 2 years and then he decided he wanted a break to date other people but told me he thought we would date again in the future. We stopped talking but out of no where he contacted me and told me he didn’t have anything with any other girls. Then as things were getting so good I thought maybe we were going to date, I found out he just started dating another girl. And then I found out that he was dating her when he kissed me. Since we live in a small town the girl he started dating found out and broke up with him. He was so angry with me and ended up saying he never wants to talk to me or see me again. A day later he apologized and said he still wants to be friends. But when he talked to me it was as if he wanted to be more than friends. We both knew dating at the moment was out of the question but we said we would take it day by day and hope everything works itself out. He texted me every day for almost two weeks acting as if he still wanted to be with me. Out of no where he stopped texting me so i texted him and he has been being short with me. I know what I have with him is not something that I am willing to just give up on. I want to fight for what we have but I don’t know if that will ever make him realize that he can’t take me for granted anymore. He said himself he knows I would do anything for him and I’ll always be here for him. So part of me thinks if I some how make him think he really lost me that he will finally realize just what we have. But I also don’t want him to think I’m giving up on us. Because that’s not my intentions at all. I just don’t know what the right thing to do is anymore. Please help!
-Jaime
Dear Jaime,
Thank you so much for writing to us. Your situation sounds like a very difficult and also fairly common one. At Youthline, we try to emphasize honesty and communication. We think that it leads to better understanding of each other, and fewer secrets in relationships, romantic or otherwise. We don’t know everything about your situation or the young man that you wrote about, but we think that it’s probably best to be truthful with him, and tell him what you want! Playing “hard to get”, beating around the bush or not talking about what you want upfront can really confuse people about your intentions. It sounds like both of you are doing that, on some level, so maybe now it’s time to come clean. If you have an honest conversation with him about what both of you want, in the end you will have more honesty in whatever relationship ensues, and better communication between you.
Good luck!
-YouthLine
my score said to see a counceler bt i dont want to its a lot of money and my school ones are awkward to speak with
Dear Celeste,
Thank you for reaching out to the YouthLine. Just because the score you received on the test suggested that you see a counselor, that doesn’t mean that you necessarily need to. Depression is something that needs to be taken seriously, but there are other ways to receive help and support if seeing a counselor is not an option for you. Since I don’t know anything about you or your situation, I would just ask that you take some questions into consideration: Do you agree with the test results and consider yourself to be depressed? If so, that’s good that you can recognize how you are feeling and that you want to do something about it. Can you remember when you started feeling this way and do you know why? Was there something going on in your life? Are there any hobbies that you enjoy doing and that make you feel better, such as jogging, reading, writing, etc.?
If seeing a counselor is something you would be interested in as long as money is not an issue, then the YouthLine can give you resources for your exact area for free or low-cost counseling available to you. To get these resources you can either give us a call at 1-877-968-8491 or you can e-mail us again with the county you live in. If you live in Portland, (where we are located) you might consider visiting Outside In, which provides free counseling for homeless and low-income youth. You can visit their website at www.outsidein.org.
I hope this is helpful, and again, we would love to hear from you again. The YouthLine is available 24/7, or if you prefer to talk with a teen, you can call Monday-Friday from 4-9pm. 1-877-968-8491
Sincerely,
YouthLine
October 20, 2011
I have a boyfriend that is 16 years old. he lives with his
mom. He has been to foster care because his mother chose meth over him but she
got him back and has had him for a few years. for the past 6 months his mother
has been acting wierd and crazy as if using again. I am also friends with her so
i get both sides of the story. they fight alot and she takes things out of
control. she doesnt hit him, its more mental abuse. Right now the current
situation as of tonight is he wouldnt get on a carousel with her so she made him
wlk home (a good 5 or 6 miles) and took his little brother out to eat without
him then grounded him for a month. She expects to keep him in a room were there
cat uses the bathrrom for a month and to clean up all day. he has thought about
calling the police but it would be his word against hers and he is on probation
so that looks even worse. I am trying to get him help and advice on what to do
but i have nothing so im asking for your advice. If he leaves to get out of the
house she reports him as a runaway and he does jail time but if he stays he is
more her slave than son. My parents said he can stay at my place for a few days
til things with his mom calm down. He doesnt want to go to foster care because
some thing happened last time that affected him but he wont go into detail.
sorry this is so long i just know of no one esle to ask for help. thank you.
Dear Mickey
Thank you for reaching out to us. It takes a lot of courage to
ask for help, and it must be stressful for you to see your boyfriend going
through this hard time. I can see that you really care about him and want to
support him in any way you can. At YouthLine, we have the ability to help you
file an abuse report claim, but we would have to speak to your boyfriend over
the phone first. The Youthline number is 1-877-968-8491, and we are available at
any time. Does your boyfriend have a case worker or a probation officer? He
could file a report with either of those people and it might make it easier
because they already know him. Running away from home probably is not a good
idea because he is on probation, and unfortunately it might not be a good idea
for him to hide out at your parent’s house either because of legal problems that
it could open your family up to. It seems totally understandable for your
boyfriend to have bad feelings towards foster care if he had a bad experience in
the past, but I would imagine that his case worker would have a good idea of
what might be the best situation for him.
The other side of the issue is his mother’s possible relapse.
If you believe that his mom is struggling with meth use again then a good option
could be to call the YouthLine, and together we can try to find possible and
affordable treatment options for her in your area. If your boyfriend does not
want to move out, then perhaps the best thing to do is ensure that his home
situation is a safe one.
I hope that this is helpful for you and your boyfriend. As we
said before our number is 1-877-968-8491 and we also have live
chat available at www.oregonyouthline.org, so if you would like to discuss your
situation with us a little bit more we are always available. Keep in mind our
phone line and chat are completely confidential, and we would be more than happy
to continue to help.
Best,
YouthLine
August 17, 2011
I am 16 years old and my boyfriend is 17 years old we had sex for the first time
a few months ago. When I came home thAt night my mom was yelling at me asking me
if I has sex with my boyfriend. I told her no beciase I didn’t know the chances
were good I can get pregnant. How do I tell my family and my boyfriend about the
baby? I am 17 weeks so I should have told them a while ago! School Starts soon
what should I expect!?
Dear Samantha,
Thank you for reaching out to the YouthLine for help. This is very brave of you considering the tough situation you are in right now. I imagine you are feeling very scared and alone since you have not yet told your family or boyfriend about the pregnancy. The fact that you have contacted YouthLine tells me that you are interested in making a decision for yourself. My goal is to make sure that the decision you make is healthy and safe, and one that you and those around you can be happy with. There are options out there, not just one right or wrong answer. Keep in mind that in addition to being a minor, the decision you make regarding the pregnancy involves and affects many other people besides just yourself, so it is important that your family and boyfriend be made aware of the pregnancy. I understand that this is probably a scary thing for you, but at some point they are going to find out, so the sooner this can be talked about the better. In terms of how you should go about having this conversation, it’s tough to say. Have you thought about maybe having your parents and boyfriend together when you tell them about the pregnancy so that everyone can discuss it together? If you call the YouthLine, one of our teen volunteers would be happy to discuss this with you further in order to help you decide how you would like the conversation to go. You could even do a role-play with a teen to practice the conversation.
Now, just some things for you to think about: have you been to a doctor to confirm that you are pregnant? You said that you are 17 weeks along so it is very important that you receive medical care and guidance. If you do not have a primary care physican that you can see, I would recommend visiting Planned Parenthood where you can receive both care and guidance on where to go from here. I am not qualified to give you much medical advice beyond that, but I do wish you all the best and I encourage you to call the YouthLine to talk more about this and receive some support from teenagers who care. We have teens available to answer calls Monday-Friday from 2-7 pm. Our number is 1-877-968-8491.
-YouthLine
August 16, 2011
Me and my girlfriend have an age difference of 3 and a half years. I am just about to turn 18 next month. We have known each other for a long time and wanted to be more than just friends. When talking about my birthday and turning 18 my parents were talking about what i could and could not do. One of the things my parents brought up was that i could not have sex with someone under my age.
I know that the law states that its illegal unless the age difference is less than 3 years. But am I really 6 months too old? I have never pressured her, I do what she tells me she wants to do. I told her that if she wants anything sexual she should lead it. I care about her, the last thing i would want to do is to make her feel pressured to do anything.
I don’t want to go to jail over something like this. I wouldn’t want to be separated from her.
so, does it include months difference when it says “Third-degree rape to have sexual intercourse with a person under age 16. Defense that the actor was less than three years older than the victim at the time of the offense”?
Would this mean that we could have sex till i am 18? then we could have to wait 6 months till she was another year older so we could again? would we have to have this off and on period of 6 months till she was 18?
Please help, i don’t want to get myself into legal trouble
Thank you for your time
Dear Brandon,
Thank you so much for coming to us for help. It is really mature of you to inquire about the situation that you’re in with your girlfriend. It is a really difficult position that you’re in, and it is one that many young adults face as they get older.
We looked into the issue and we found the same explanation of the law that you found. Because your girlfriend is under 16 you will be in danger of being in real trouble. On top of that, she is more than 3 years younger than you, which means that even after she reaches the age of 16, your age gap is too large to protect you from the close-in-age exception. The age of consent in Oregon is 18, so with your age gap you will be in danger of serious legal repercussions until she turns 18 as well. It is also important to note that sexual contact is not limited to penile-vaginal intercourse, but even encompasses the touching of breast or buttocks under Oregon state law.
We found some examples of young men in similar situations that we feel are important for you to read and consider. This one is from Michigan and this one is from Oregon.
This must be such a painful situation to be in, and I imagine that what we have said is not what you wanted to hear. We at YouthLine feel that the legal troubles that you will be subject to require your full attention and consideration. It sounds like this young woman is very special to you, and so we must advise you to refrain from any sexual contact with her until she turns 18. This will not be an easy conversation to have with her, but your future together will be very different if you have a felony conviction.
From your email it sounds like your parents are very supportive of you, so it might be helpful for you to continue to talk with your parents about your situation, or even have them with you when you decide to talk to your girlfriend.
We wish you the best of luck and are very proud of you for wanting to be responsible. If you would like to call the YouthLine to discuss the situation further you can reach us at 1-877-968-8491.
Sincerely,
YouthLine
August 9, 2011
My ex boyfriend and me dated for 14mos. things were going really good until he told me he wanted to take a break and that we could be friends with benefits. And now a couple weeks later he has a new girlfriend. so i don’t know what i should do. i mean i love him and i just need a little help as to what to do. should i wait for him or just move on?.
Relationships can be a very tricky thing for the fact that they are so different depending on the people and situation involved. What works for one couple may not work for another. The confusion you are feeling is completely normal and to be expected. You and your boyfriend were together for over a year, so I think it is pretty safe to assume that over that span of time a strong connection was developed. Losing any type of relationship, whether it be a friendship or a romantic relationship, is a really tough thing for anyone to deal with, so don’t feel like you are alone in this! I am not able to provide you with a clear cut answer on what you should do, but what I can do is offer you some questions that you can ponder to hopefully help in making a confident decision that is right for you at this time, and most importantly, one that you can be happy with. Your health and happiness is most important and should be top priority!
You mentioned in your comment that things were going “really good” up until the point that your boyfriend wanted a break. Did he feel the same way about your relationship? Did he tell you of any particular reason for wanting a break? If not, this is a conversation you may want to have with your ex when deciding whether or not you want to date again in the future. Figuring out whether you both are on the same page or not in terms of the relationshp is important in deciding what to do next. You said that your ex got a new girlfriend shortly after taking a break from the relationship. Is this something you think would happen again if you started dating in the future? And if so, are you okay with that? Only you know what you are comfortable with and how you expect and want a relationship to work. If you are unsure on what a healthy relationship looks like, I would really recommend checking out the website link I put on this blog. Some other things to consider are whether or not you and your ex had an established friendship prior to dating. Is this an “all-or-nothing” thing for you or are you content with just being friends with your ex? Ultimately, figuring out where you and your ex stand in terms of your previous relationship and possible future relationship, will be very helpful in deciding where to go from here. You could also make a pro’s and con’s list to help you weigh out your options. I wish you all the luck in making a decision. Remember that you can always call the YouthLine, which is 24/7. Teenagers are available to answer calls Monday through Friday from 2-7 pm.
Here is the link to the website I posted on the original blog:
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